Karen's Komments

Today is my birthday, though pretty obvious it is not my 5th, I chose to celebrate it as such. I could go on and be evasive but I won’t. This is my fifth birthday since I found out that I was not a Wiseman, in fact my true paternal line is Hoffman. I found out through a DNA test on March 9th 2020, how special my life came crashing down as the world was shutting down due to Covid. In some odd way, I found that to be a blessing, for due to the shutdown we were not out and about in the world seeing people, so it gave me time to digest my new found knowledge.

Sadly, I have not come very far in this new journey, for I have hit major road blocks from the Hoffman”s. I have actually spoken on the phone to one, text message and emailed with another, I’ve met in person one new family member who we believe is a niece, but we have not been able to 100% confirm that as of yet. And I have been communicating with who I believe is a cousin from my grandmothers line. We plan on meeting for lunch, hopefully soon.

There are three siblings, that in my heart I believe are my half siblings, all older than I, one female, two males. They do not have any interest in taking a test to confirm or deny. It breaks my heart, for because of this I may never know 100% who my birth father was. Everyone has a right to know that as far as I’m concerned, but apparently my way of thinking is not like the others. All parents are decreased, so I can’t find out information from them. I wish one of them would take the test, just so I have my answers and I can try to move past this hurdle in my life. I will keep praying that one day they do.

So, HAPPY FIFTH BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! Thank you to each and everyone of you that are in someway a part of my life. You are here for a reason, and for that I am ever so grateful. Family means a lot to me, for so many reasons. Maybe someday I’ll write about my journey in this thing we call life. In the meantime I’ll just keep going along and hope for the best life has to offer.

Is it due to my lack of education? I mean I do only have a high school diploma, and lets be honest it was many moons ago when I walked on the field to that all too familiar tune. If anyone is awake of late you are fully aware of what is going on in the good old USA. Donald Trump is our current president and he is doing a whole lot of stuff that many of us are scratching our heads over. Sadly this presidency has caused a lot of divide, even among family members.

I could most probably do many post on the things that are happening around us, and who knows maybe I will, but then again, no one ever reads this any how so I would basically be posting for myself. Sometimes though that can be a good thing, for they say if you write stuff out that is really bothering you and you re read it over a few times if you are lucky you find yourself feeling just a little bit better about it. But sadly I have to admit when it comes to the subject of the current administration I am doubtful it would give me that effect.

Enough rambling, lets get to what actually brought me here today, MY CONFUSION! It has to do with DEI, I just saw a report stating that Education Dept. wants schools to eliminate DEI programs or lose funding. Now here is my confusion, I looked up just what DEI means, and this is what I found…

Who falls under DEI?

DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) initiatives encompass a broad range of individuals, focusing on creating equitable and inclusive environments for people of all backgrounds, including those who may have been historically underrepresented or marginalized. 

Here’s a more detailed breakdown of who falls under DEI:

Key DEI Dimensions:

• Diversity:DEI initiatives recognize and celebrate the full spectrum of human identities, including but not limited to:
  • Race and Ethnicity: This includes individuals of various racial and ethnic backgrounds.
  • Gender: This includes individuals of all genders, including those who identify as transgender or non-binary.
  • Sexual Orientation: This includes individuals of all sexual orientations, including LGBTQ+ individuals.
  • Disability: This includes individuals with physical, mental, or cognitive disabilities.
  • Age: This includes individuals of all ages, recognizing that different age groups bring unique perspectives and experiences.
  • Religion: This includes individuals of all religions or lack thereof.
  • Socioeconomic Status: This includes individuals from different socioeconomic backgrounds.
  • Veteran Status: This includes veterans and military personnel.
  • Other Identities: This also includes individuals with diverse national origins, languages, lived experiences, geographic locations, and family structures.
• Equity:DEI initiatives aim to ensure fair and just treatment and outcomes for all individuals, addressing systemic inequalities and disparities.
• Inclusion:DEI initiatives focus on creating a sense of belonging and respect for all individuals, where everyone feels valued, heard, and empowered to participate fully. 

Why DEI is Important:

• Promoting a Fair and Just Workplace:DEI initiatives help create a workplace where everyone has equal opportunities and is treated with respect, regardless of their background.
• Fostering Innovation and Creativity:Diverse perspectives and experiences can lead to more innovative solutions and ideas.
• Improving Employee Engagement and Retention:When employees feel valued and included, they are more likely to be engaged and stay with an organization.
• Enhancing Organizational Performance:A diverse and inclusive workforce can lead to better decision-making, problem-solving, and overall organizational success. 

Now I actually read through this twice, perhaps I need to read it a few more times, for you see I just do not understand why this threat was made? Can someone please explain to me WHY DEI has to go or else?

As always IMHO!

There are so many life lessons we learn along the way. One of the hardest is learning how to let go. There comes a time when you just have to say enough is enough. No matter how hard it is you need to realize there is nothing you can do to change a situation and sometimes for your own peace of mind and well being you just need to walk away. 

It’s funny how society sets the tone for things, but lately it seems what used to be protocol in the past has no standing today. Everything is so different, the way people do things, the way you perceive things. I know things change, and the way things are done changes, but at the same time there should be some form of continuity. Some sort of respect to be honest. I feel like I’m rambling, not allowing my true thoughts and emotions out. I feel myself keeping them at bay so I do not hurt those they are intended for. Why am I so worried about hurting someone that hurt me? Why do I even care? It must be the old school in me. The day will come when I’m able to let my true thoughts and feelings out, I will wait till it’s the right time because deep down I still care and do not want to be the one that ruined something for someone else. In the meantime I will try to learn how to let go. 

Father’s Day is quickly approaching. It’s the one day during the year that I can honestly say never really affected me, is it Affected or Effected. Reason being, I grew up without a father in my life.

 Father’s Day of 2020 was the WORSE one ever for me. You see that year, at the age of 62, I found out that the name on my birth certificate was not my biological father. I now had a different name attached to me, a whole new branch on my tree that I knew nothing about. Sadly I still know little about, I’m not even sure which brother is my father, though in my heart I believe I do, getting people to help confirm or deny has been impossible for they want nothing to do with the situation. I possibly have three half siblings, a sister and two brothers. It would have been a great bonus on this journey, but with how they reacted to it all it just added more heartache. I’ll never understand how another human being could deny someone the opportunity to find out who they are. I’m at the point where I want nothing from them, other than the conformation of who I am. That is not too much to ask for!

Now it’s 2024, Father’s Day right around the corner. This year I have such mixed emotions. Not for myself, but instead for my brother Jimmy. He is no longer with us, and we just recently found out that he had a child 52 years ago that he never knew about. My heart breaks for he always wanted to be a dad. I know he would have loved this child with all his might if he only knew of their existence. I hope and pray he is watching down on us and has seen what we have gone through these past few months. If I could send a card to heaven, I would surly mail a “HAPPY FATHER’S DAY” to you.

Maybe next year I’ll get to write my own story of who I am and share things I found out about my birth father, maybe just maybe someone will reach out and tell me they took the test! That would bring so much joy to my heart no matter what the outcome would be.

I need to learn some things just can’t be undone! I have such a desire to have that close knit family that shares in each others highs and lows, they celebrate the good and the bad together. I know others have that, for them I am extremely happy. I just do not know how to fix things any more. I do not know how to make a family, just that, a family! My heart breaks, I wonder do they even realize it, or do only I feel it. I just do not know any more. I need to figure out how to just stop caring, for I fear if I do not do that all I will feel is the broken pieces of my heart. 

If you know me at all, you would know that one of my biggest fears in life is dying. I’m not sure if it’s because not knowing what’s on the other side, having life go on without me, or wondering who I will come back as. We all have our own thoughts and beliefs on death. I sincerely believe that our souls get repurposed. When it leaves our body in time it finds a new one and gets to start a new. I know some think that is a crazy notion, some even think a bit creepy. None the less it is what I believe.  

I found out the other day that someone I know got the news no one ever wants to hear… “4 to 6 weeks”, my heart broke, two days later I still feel the pain, my mind can not get past it, I keep thinking of them, wanting to reach out, wanting to hug them, wanting to let them know I care, I have been thinking non stop of them.  My mind travels back to memories with them, I keep searching for more, I want to remember every moment I had with them. At times I can actually hear laughter we shared, as well as some bickering we had when we were young. We have known each other pretty much since the day they were born, but as usual in life we went separate directions and did not see each other much over the past few decades. When we did manage to get together there were hugs, laughter and some reminiscing. And then off we went not knowing when our paths would cross. Though I did not see them much, I knew what they were up to, how they were doing for I was lucky enough to get updates on their happenings, so much that it made me feel as if we were closer then we actually are. 

Now here we are… “4 to 6 weeks” I pray that god is watching over her, giving her the strength she needs to get through this stage he presented to her. I hope she gets to know how many truly love her, how many hearts are truly breaking. I so wish we could wave our magic wands to fix this. I so wish this was not happening to her and her loved ones. I so wish she never heard those words “4 to 6 weeks”.

I AM PISSED!!! PEOPLE NEED TO WAKE UP! Any parent that send their children to school knowing full well they are waiting on results of a COVID test is causing issues for EVERYONE around them! How dare you put others in danger just because keeping your child at home does not fit your needs! How dare you take no consideration for other people’s children! How dare you think you can just go about your days as if you did nothing wrong! WAKE UP PEOPLE! This thing is not going to go away if you all just do whatever the hell you want to do!

EVERYONE I do not care what your thoughts or beliefs are on the Vaccine, I do not care what your thoughts or beliefs are on wearing masks. This is NOT JUST ABOUT YOU!! It involves EVERY SINGLE PERSON you come in contact with. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM; YOU ARE THE REASON THIS IS NOT GETTING UNDER CONTROL. IF for whatever reason you can’t or won’t wear a mask while in public settings then STAY OUT OF PUBLIC SETTTINGS! NO ONE is taking away your civil rights! WE ARE ALL in this, not just you! WE ARE ALL effected by your choices and your decisions! IF YOU choose not to follow the program then STAY THE HELL HOME!

I am not stupid, I realize how this spreads, I realize many do not even know they are being hit with it. BUT WHEN YOU FULL WELL KNOW you or your family could possibly have it and you are waiting on test results DO NOT PUT THE REST OF US IN YOUR PATH!!!! BE A DECENT HUMAN!!!!!

With much sadness we said goodbye to our dear Ally on Saturday morning. She did it on her own terms and quietly drifted off while no one was watching. She has crossed the rainbow bridge and later that same day we saw a beautiful rainbow that we know in our hearts she sent us to let us know she made it safely. She is now running pain free. Though our hearts are hurting we know it was her time and she needed to go. We hope she found Shadow and Fantasia and the three of them are together. She took a piece of our heart with her, it is amazing how our 4 legged family members manage to allow us to feel love that we never knew was even there. <3

IMHO: IN MY HUMBLE OPINON How sad it is in todays society that people can not express their thoughts or opinions with out getting some form of backlash from those who do not agree with them. What ever happened to the IT OK TO DISSAGREE? Just because someone might not agree with something 100% does not mean they do not respect others beliefs. I am sorry but I would not want to live in a world where EVERYONE has the same thoughts and feelings about things. We need diversity and difference of options. We are ALL human beings, we ALL have our thoughts and beliefs. Just because we may be at opposite ends of things does not make me think any less of you, and I would hope it would not make you think any less of me!

I get it folks… balloon releases are not environmentally safe, and I am sure Bobbie Thomas knows it as well. It is the FIRST fathers day… and this got them through a extremely emotional time. Let’s help those suffering have their moment and when you find a special balloon somewhere it should not be, say a prayer for the person that felt the need to send it and then make sure its disposed up properly. <3