Month: May 2024

I need to learn some things just can’t be undone! I have such a desire to have that close knit family that shares in each others highs and lows, they celebrate the good and the bad together. I know others have that, for them I am extremely happy. I just do not know how to fix things any more. I do not know how to make a family, just that, a family! My heart breaks, I wonder do they even realize it, or do only I feel it. I just do not know any more. I need to figure out how to just stop caring, for I fear if I do not do that all I will feel is the broken pieces of my heart. 

If you know me at all, you would know that one of my biggest fears in life is dying. I’m not sure if it’s because not knowing what’s on the other side, having life go on without me, or wondering who I will come back as. We all have our own thoughts and beliefs on death. I sincerely believe that our souls get repurposed. When it leaves our body in time it finds a new one and gets to start a new. I know some think that is a crazy notion, some even think a bit creepy. None the less it is what I believe.  

I found out the other day that someone I know got the news no one ever wants to hear… “4 to 6 weeks”, my heart broke, two days later I still feel the pain, my mind can not get past it, I keep thinking of them, wanting to reach out, wanting to hug them, wanting to let them know I care, I have been thinking non stop of them.  My mind travels back to memories with them, I keep searching for more, I want to remember every moment I had with them. At times I can actually hear laughter we shared, as well as some bickering we had when we were young. We have known each other pretty much since the day they were born, but as usual in life we went separate directions and did not see each other much over the past few decades. When we did manage to get together there were hugs, laughter and some reminiscing. And then off we went not knowing when our paths would cross. Though I did not see them much, I knew what they were up to, how they were doing for I was lucky enough to get updates on their happenings, so much that it made me feel as if we were closer then we actually are. 

Now here we are… “4 to 6 weeks” I pray that god is watching over her, giving her the strength she needs to get through this stage he presented to her. I hope she gets to know how many truly love her, how many hearts are truly breaking. I so wish we could wave our magic wands to fix this. I so wish this was not happening to her and her loved ones. I so wish she never heard those words “4 to 6 weeks”.